I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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