Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Let's paint friendship bongs
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
