i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
