grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
