that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
