I wish I only lived at night.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
