i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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