First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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