i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
