Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
