So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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