My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
