I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
