i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
i think my cat just said my name.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
