i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I just gift wrapped bread.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
