gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
