I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
