my soul wont recognize me after tonight
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
