The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
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