so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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