too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
