A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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