He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
