I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
