I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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