I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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