Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
