He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Randomize
