That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
