The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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