just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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