dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
