I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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