The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
