All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
