I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
