So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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