remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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