I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Randomize
