I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Randomize
