I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
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