We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
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