i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
