Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
