I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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