It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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