you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
