So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
You pole danced in your parka.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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