i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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