I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
