Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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