He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Randomize
